Have you ever been in the middle of an argument, a heated debate, or just a conversation with someone, and suddenly they say something that hits you in the gut like a heavyweight’s jab?
Straight away, your gut – populated by tons of neurotransmitter producing neurons – tells you something is wrong.
Something in you has been threatened.
Your ego shrivels up a little, or a lot.
You immediately assume it’s the other person’s fault.
From there, the brain inside your head takes over and makes all sorts of negative assumptions or conclusions about that person.
Why would they say that?
Maybe they meant to hurt you on purpose.
Maybe they’re a bad person.
Maybe they’re not meant for you.
Maybe they need to fuck off.
Maybe their words are nothing but a mirror; a mirror of a past or present insecurity, fear or issue you haven’t fully dealt with yet.
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But maybe this is not a time to pin a voodoo doll or put a curse the other person, but a time for self-revision and a chance for self-growth.
A coaching client and I were talking about this the other day, and she suggested maybe we all need to be more tolerant.
Personally, I don’t think it’s about tolerating other people or their behavior.
For me, it’s about LOVE.
It’s about realizing we’re human, and therefore we’re flawed.
Now and again we’re gonna say or do something stupid and hurt someone in the process.
We all have lessons to learn. But I choose to believe that most people are good people, and wouldn’t hurt a fly on purpose (well, maybe those nasty blue bottles…)
Knowing this, next time you’re presented with a metaphorical punch in the gut, instead of letting your brain go awol, why not ask yourself:
What can I learn from this?
How can I use this to better myself and my relationships?
Then send a fireball of pure unadulterated beautiful pink love to the other person as you promise yourself to forgive, forget, and let it go.
Because remember, it’s not what people say or even how they say it, it’s the meaning you give it that will shape things to come.
You don’t have to believe every thought you have in your head, or spin every feeling you get in your gut, unless it makes you feel real good that is.